” I don’t like myself very much. I need to say that on some kind of record and then I’m fine for hours or days. You can’t say it to a real person, they’ll just say, “that’s okay,” or “you should” or “you shouldn’t,” they’ll react, they’ll move, they’ll strategize, they’ll try to adjust me or they’ll run away. I don’t want it refuted or debated or therapeutically massaged. It’s not a projection or a misdirection or a distortion. It’s just a statement about how I feel. Just shut up and listen to me, you big dumb moon. I don’t like myself. And I don’t want to for a long, long time.
And I never want to feel that kind of tremble again. And I put that on a separate line so that it feels profound. And now I’m undercutting that so I feel clever. And now I’m saying that so I feel normal. I don’t want to get away with anything ever again. I don’t want to trick anyone into thinking I’m a hero ever again.”
